Freckled Latte

The beginning of a new year is an obvious time of reflection. A year of memories get locked away in the vault and everyone is given a clean slate…a fresh start to put things right…to fix what they don’t like about their life…to better themselves. Although technically you can do this any time during the year and restart whenever you choose, people generally see the new year as the time to do it.

I’ve never been very good at creating New Year’s resolutions. Before kids, I never thought about it much. Since having kids it’s been the generic, “exercise more”, “eat healthier”, “get in shape”. Last year I tried a little harder and made them more specific…

1. Read 14 books nailed it!
2. Eat meals at home more often
3. Run a half marathon nailed it!
4. Get my photos OFF the computer
5. Blog more often nailed it!
6. Take more OOTD pics
7. Record more video
8. Finally paint a wall with chalkboard paint
9. Be consistent with my fitness
10. Sign up for college courses even though I still don’t know what I want to do with my life
11. Keep my car cleaned out
12. Volunteer

Most of them were still pretty generalized though. I used more and often instead of specific timeframes or numbers.

Maybe I’m afraid of failure, so instead of saying, “blog at least 4 times a week”, I just say, “blog more often”. That way if I technically had more blog posts in 2014 than in 2013, then I met my goal! I shouldn’t feel like a failure though if I don’t follow through on my resolutions. Instead, I should reflect on why I didn’t accomplish what I said I wanted to accomplish. Why didn’t I act on that? Do I really want this or do I just like the sound of it? Am I standing in my own way? Am I cruising through life, but not really doing anything with my life?

Time to check myself and get my head on straight.

I don’t just want to be in the car on the side of the road to finding myself. I want to be in the drivers seat, actually driving down the road! I struggle not with simply growing older, but with growing older and not knowing what I want to do with myself. The older I get, the more I think, “You should know what you want out of life!” or at least be on a journey to finding it. As the mom, I tend to always put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own. I take care of myself in the day to day sense, but as far as long term goals, I put my desires on hold. I keep thinking, “next year I’ll start on that”, “when Hayden gets into middle school I’ll be able to think about it more”, “when Caitlin can drive, I’ll have more time”. Then I think, “Am I procrastinating? Am I simply making excuses? Is it the fear of failure? Am I just being lazy?” 

A Facebook acquaintance said something a few months ago that has really stuck with me.

I don’t have the answers to my questions yet, but I do know that I don’t want to be turning 40 (in *cough* 3yrs and 3 mos) and still be wondering the same things. I have GOT to start working towards something, anything. Because knowing what isn’t me is at least starting on the path to finding what is.

My New Year’s resolution list is still in the works. Although, I’m not sure if it will be a real list, a few things I want to work on throughout the year or just one word.

I’m really interested in finding my word for the year, so I’m excited to start working on that this weekend. I think I might have stumbled upon one, but I’m not sold on it yet and it was right after I signed up for 5 daily emails to help me figure it out so I’m going to go ahead and do the 5 days of work and see what happens.

I’m not sure when picking a word for the year started, but I just heard about it recently even though it seems to have started at least a couple of years ago. Is this a new concept to you too or am I just late to the party yet again? If you’ve chosen a word for the year already, I’d love to hear it!